Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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