apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
