Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
