Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm both gender and math confused
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
