I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
