maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
