I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
