Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
