WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
