Buhtt sex?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
