cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
