Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
