also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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