I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
