My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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