Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
