At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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