So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
