I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
