I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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