so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
