Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
