Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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