I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
