what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
