I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
