omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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