hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
