My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
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