sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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