I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
