if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
