they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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