When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
