I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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