Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
