positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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