I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
