Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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