Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
