On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
