I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
