It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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