Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
