pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
