just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
