why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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