it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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