mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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