so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
